Anyway, lately I have felt like I'm a bit all over the place. Maybe you can relate?
But I'm back & I'M PRESENT!
I wrote about coming out of winter hibernation, in this post back here. I've found the cold months a bit depressing. Because I've been in hibernation from blog writing & art creating [my way], its felt like I haven't been achieving much & therefore I have felt like life has been a bit out of control. They are my grounding soul feeding activities & there hasn't been alot of it going on. In actual fact there's been a huge amount of other things going on.
Important stuff + non-important stuff + procrastination has taken up all of my time. And I think I was getting increasingly agitated that I wasn't getting enough time to bust out my paints & make new artwork. Frustration.
I kept hoping & planning that the next weekend things would be better, this new week would be smoother.... I would make time to......
I think I over did it at the gym & had a sore back & a sore knee for a bit. Next thing I know its raining as we leave for school one day so I race back inside to grab the kids raincoats. Bang, slipped hard on the tiled entrance hall floor & smashed my other knee. Later that night, my already sore back began to stiffen, the next day I couldn't move. I stuffed it pretty badly & spent the weekend in bed. So much for having a successful weekend to do whatever. Lots of tears. Back pain is such a time waster. I've been the chiro alot in the last couple of weeks & finally some strength is returning & I am mobile again. My knee is still sore but its nothing compared to how my back was.
Naturally the slow spiral out of control started. A bit run down, I then lost my voice & got a cold. Yes, a bit of a mess. Nothing like a fall from grace to slow you right down & make you STOP! And my dear little Buddy is learning that too. He's a big 3 year old boy now complete with running through the house despite my nagging. And what do you know, a cut & bruised eye socket & a deep set cheekbone bruise & bruised fingers - from 3 separate accidents. Little boys will be boys. Sigh.
So what have I learned from this? What can I take away from these series of events?
The same things I learn every time I run myself into the ground.... but ALWAYS seem to forget.
Take things more slowly, quality over quantity. Life isn't a race or a competition.
Don't take too much on or spread yourself too thin.
Its ok to ask for help.
Make time for self care [nourish, hydrate, exercise, sleep, relax, recharge, get inspired]
Plan for have-to's + really-want-to's + appointments AND THEN PLAN FOR everything else either side of that to just roll how it rolls. Its impossible for life to be controlled 100%.
But most of all: be present in everything I do.
Without that, life is just a scramble of things to do, places to go & people to see - all while you are thinking about other things to do, other places to go & other people to see.
- Not so great & all less meaningful because they don't have your full attention. Right?
For me to lead an authentic happy life, I think I need to be more present in what I'm doing, stop doing several things at once. Calm the overthinking. Dismiss comparisons. The balance in my life may be tipped in ways that I'm not always excited about - much of my time is boring routine & have-to's. BUT that won't always be the case so I need to surrender to this time in my life & relax into it. And I need to appreciate more, the small things that come between all the endless daily routine chaos. Yes, the lovely small things, there are lots of them!
- time spent in classrooms with children - BLESSING!!
- sitting around the family dinner table - the laughing, the teaching of manners, the spilt drinks, the chatter
- teaching my little ones how to read
- watching my older ones bury their heads in books
- chatting to my mum on the phone daily. Ok several times daily.
- getting a call from my dad, even if it is in the middle of the witching hour & I'm trying to get dinner on the table!
- getting a call or text from my brothers
- watching Offspring with my sister & our posse on Wednesday nights [what will we do now its over?]
- scribbling down crappy sketches in my trusty sketchbook even though I may not get time to make them all come to fruition, at least the idea is there for later.
Yes, all good stuff! But isn't it funny how we spend so much money & time thinking/ doing/ worrying about the 'stuff' that doesn't deserve priority?
So I'm trying to make a habit of being more present right now. Not radical crazy change, just being more aware & more present. Multitasking is actually not smart, its evil. I'm going to try to stop doing several things at once, slowing things down, calming the overthinking & stop having such high & unrealistic expectations of myself.
Raising my family, spending more time with Jeff, self care - thats number 1.
Number 2 - the next layer of family & close friends, my artmaking, .
Number 3 - stuff - if I get time - but I'm going to be choosy!
Being present. What does that mean for you?
PS. And would you believe it, after having a little bungle in the car a couple of months back, I've only gone & got myself into another car crash today. The last car in a chain reaction of slamming on brakes. But because we are in big rain weather here in Adelaide right now, when I slammed on mine, they failed me, road too wet, brakes on too fast, wheels just spun around, no stopping, no slowing even, just ploughed with full force into the car ahead in the tiny response time I had. And back is alredy stiffening. Back to the chiro today. Gahhhhh. What can I take from this? Buddy & I are alive, that is actually all that matters. Yes, just that.